Operation: RENFAIRE
by SynapticFirefly
Summary: Springtime is here and the Renaissance Faire is at full force. Sector V must slap on some armor and help lead the Kids Next Kingdom Over to victory against the Teen Empire and win a lifetime's supply of ice cream. But when the most loyal of operatives are branded as traitors to their own guild and incarcerated, is there more of a sinister plot behind the scenes than meets the eye?
1. To the Renfaire!

**A/N:** Written for kitten's KND monthly art challenge #1 in the KND forums. It's not exactly art but gotta make do with what you know!

* * *

**now loading:**

**kids next door mission**

**operation:**

**r.e.n.f.a.i.r.e.**

**renaissance**

**event**

**nurtures**

**fight**

**against**

**invested**

**rivals**

**extraordinarily**

* * *

There was not a single cloud in the sky in Thackery Park that day. Everyone throughout the neighborhood visited the annual Renaissance Faire there to celebrate that spring had finally come after months of harsh winter.

Five particular children in fact joined the spirit of the medieval flair, each with a different goal in mind over what to do. Kuki was heading the group for once, skipping along happily as her long pink dress fluttered around her ankles.

"La, la, la, la, la!" Kuki sang happily and spun in front of her friends. "I just love spring! And the Renfaire! Grandma really worked hard on my dress this year!"

Abby grinned and elbowed Wally through her thief get-up. "Yeah, Numbuh 4. Think her dress is _pretty_?" Hoagie snickered from behind.

Snorting loudly, Wally instead busied himself with his jousting stick made of tinfoil and broken pipes. "Yeah, if you like _pink_." Kuki's growl of warning made him back up a few paces and back pedal. "I mean… err yeah. You look very…" He grimaced and stuck his tongue out when she wasn't looking. "…_pretty_."

"I just wished you wore something more practical this time, Numbuh 3," Nigel sighed, lowering a giant construction paper filled with crayon drawings of tactical defense and offensive positions. He had been forced to hand over all of his tech gadgets at the ticket booth, constantly forgetting that technology wasn't allowed to preserve the medieval atmosphere. And like every year, it soured his mood. "This year we're going all out, that means no messing around! This is a KND mission, team, not a day off. And one of utmost importance!"

A collective groan was not much of an answer to his battle cry.

Half-pouting, Hoagie stuck his hands into the pockets of his stained blacksmith's apron. "Can't we at least sample the food first? The _Ye Ole Slop Bucket_'s got haggis this year!"

Everyone except Nigel cringed in disgust.

"Boy, yer the only one who eats Grandma Stuffum's nasty cooking and live to tell the tale! Numbuh 5 don't know how your stomach keeps kicking afterwards!" Abby snarked and pinched her nose when that very smell wafted on by the further they walked on.

Hoagie responded by sniffing the air with a happy sigh. "It's not that _bad_ guys, really!"

"We'll take your word for it," Nigel drawled. "but for now, we've got business to take care of!" He pointed at a giant old-looking sign that made his team gape in awe at the medieval script.

_Kingdom Wars: Two guilds shalt war for the honor of obtaining a lifetime's supply of ye olde ice cream! Holler thyselves within!_

Abby pumped her fist at the mention of ice cream. "A lifetime's supply? Numbuh 5 knows where she's gonna be today, baby!"

Walking in front of the sign, Nigel turned and addressed his team at parade rest. "You won't be the only one, Numbuh 5. Global Command has asked us personally to take an interest in it. It is our duty as Kids Next Door operatives to secure the lifetime supply of ice cream to replenish our reserves on the Ice Cream Asteroid Belt. We will fight, we will conquer, and we will be victorious!" Placing a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, he pumped his fists into the air, his own makeshift armor clacking with his movements. "Kids Next Door, _BATTLESTATIONS_!"

"Ahem." Nigel turned and found a gangling adult wearing a jester's uniform. His palm was opened out to him. "Sunglasses weren't in the medieval times, _squire_. Hand them over."

With a grumble, he reluctantly took off his sunglasses and his mood dropped further as he marched off mumbling about stupid adults. Wally and Abby snickered as the rest of them followed their leader toward the heart of the faire, the grounds littered with medieval kiosks and shops like a bazaar.

Whether his team actually tried to keep their minds on the mission or not, Nigel did not know. But the further they walked the more serious people took their roles. Weary blacksmiths were working on real swords that delighted Hoagie's mechanical side while lutes and drums from bards lifted their spirits as deep voiced men chanted a manly song and slammed their tankards together in merriment.

_Thou shalt fall but do not falter!_

_Earn your dignity be it rich or squalor!_

_Fight for love or fight for honor!_

_Either way ye will be a goner! HYAHH!_

Robin Food and his ilk were dancing and entertaining passing customers, singing about fair maidens and honor on the battlefield. People of every age were wearing the simplest of peasant get up to the most elaborate of dresses. Bows and curtsies were abundant with each meeting and there was even one argument over the payment of _horseshoes_.

Squealing with delight, Kuki made her way to the plastic jewelry stand. "Ooooh! This necklace would go perfect with my ribbons! No, no, wait! This one! I change my mind! _This one!_"

"Numbuh 3!" Nigel protested, only to find the rest of his team disperse just as quickly as she did. "Guys!" he whined out but to no avail.

This was going to be a major problem.

"Numbuh 1?"

The familiar voice from behind made him snap to attention and salute his Supreme Leader. "Numbuh 362! I see you've arrived to start the guild!"

Rachel opened her mouth, but apparently one of her knights was happy to do it for her. "You mean High Queen 362! Show some respect, knight!"

"At ease, sir knight," Rachel sighed and patted her on the arm. "One problem with renfaire is the _dresses_. I can't even carry… ugh!" She righted the sash around her waist which slipped around when she tried to show him the lone sword strapped to her hip. "Nevermind! I probably won't even use any weapons with you guys doing the fighting anyways."

"Apologies your majesty, but with you off Moonbase extra precautions had to be made," Nigel said with an air of professionalism. "And with The Steve representing the Teen Empire for this competition, I understand your reason for being here but if anything happens to you-"

"I've got the best operatives here defending me, _Sir Nigel_," Rachel interrupted with a reassuring grin. "And I'm not made of glass. I _was_ a spy a buhmillion years ago after all!"

His smile was minute, but her words were effective in calming him down. "My mistake, _your majesty_. I'm well aware that you are capa-"

Two older teens brutally shoved against him so hard he fell over.

"Hey! That was uncalled for!" Rachel said coldly, truly in her guise as a high queen. Even her crown seemed to glimmer dangerously in the spring sun. "Turn thy selves around and apologize to my knight, you rambunctious cur!"

"Gladly." One of the teens turned around and took off his black helmet. Rachel's guards immediately drew out their swords.

"_Chad_," Nigel drawled and unsheathed his sword. "What was the crime for traitors in the medieval times? _High treason_? I bet they did worse than decommission traitors."

Chad brushed his blond hair back and sneered at the both of them. "Cute. I'm just _shaking_ in my gauntlets. I hope you're both ready for a good thrashing on the battlefield because you long since need one. Especially _you_, Uno." He growled when the tip of Nigel's plastic sword nearly pressed against his throat.

"I'll be looking for you on the battlefield too, Numbuh 274," Nigel swore, keeping an eye on the battle-ax clipped to Chad's belt. "Then we'll see who's the better operative."

"Easy. That'll be _me_," Chad spat and smacked the blade aside. "And then I'm going after your queen and once she falls the teens will win a lifetime's supply of ice cream."

Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. "Save your gloating for the end, _Sir Chad_, though you probably won't need it. The _Kids Next Kingdom Over_ will be victorious in this battle."

"You wish." With a parting snicker, Chad and his fellow knight shoved another one of their kids and disappeared into the crowd.

"Don't let him get to you," Rachel warned once she noticed Nigel shaking in anger. "He wants you to lose focus and screw up. Show him what loyal operatives can really do, soldier."

"Yes sir!" he grounded out.

"NIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGIIIIIIIEEEEE!" His back suddenly stiffening, Nigel switched emotions and nervously laughed at the curious expression on his commanding officer's face.

Lizzie Devine bounded toward them in her flowery yellow dress while waving a handkerchief at him. She stopped just inches away from him as if realizing something and curtsied before pulling him in for a bone crushing hug. "I mean… _Sir_ Nigie!" she giggled.

To Nigel's surprise, Rachel was trying not to laugh through her own smile. "You must be Lizzie. I mean, _Lady_ Lizzie."

Probably realizing that Nigel had just been conversing with another girl, Lizzie immediately became defensive and tugged Nigel's arm close to her. "Yeah and who are you?! My Nigie has a girlfriend, thank you very much!"

Rachel shook her head and shrugged with good humor. "I'm his boss."

"Oh." Lizzie blinked. "Well he still _has_ a girlfriend!"

"Well I'm not here to steal any boyfriends from anyone," His commanding officer defused the tension with a snicker, much to his horror. This was a side of her he'd never seen before. "I'm the queen of his guild and I was just telling him about the Kingdom Wars that we're participating in."

Lizzie bounced up and down at her words with excitement. "You're fighting in the Kingdom Wars, Nigie?! How romantic! Make sure you wear my favor so everyone can see!"

Nigel tried to smile. "Uh… okay, Liz… err, _m'lady_." Clearing his throat, he was back into his cool KND persona again. "This is an important mission, Lizzie, so I can't spend time with you today."

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Lizzie growled and began pulling him away. "You've got at least an hour before the Kingdom Wars begin, Sir Nigel Uno! And you're going to spend time with me on this beautiful day whether you like it or not!"

Rachel shrugged back as if to say, '_she's right you know_'. "Don't worry, sir knight. When you come back we'll have a plan ready to go against the Teen Empire. Enjoy thy self!"

"But I want to strategize for the mission!" Nigel whined right on back, wishing he'd rather be going over battle strategy with Numbuh 362 and the other tactical commanders than go on a 'date'.

But you can't say no to Lizzie Devine. Not for long anyways.

**transmission interrupted**


	2. A Lady's Favor

**transmission re-established**

Wally ran on over to the jousting area, showing off his stick.

"Not bad, but how about this?" Ace replied, somewhat admiring the handiwork that went into Numbuh 4's weapon until he pulled out his own that was much more well-crafted and taller in appearance.

Wally snorted. "You call that a jousting stick?" he egged on to Ace before he pulled out _another_ jousting stick, this one five times longer than the one he was toting around. The other jousters whistled in appreciation which stoked Wally's pride further. He puffed out his chest. "This is how you say '_kicking thy keester_' in Australia!"

"Hmph, size doesn't matter if you don't have a lady's favor to give you luck," Ace said smoothly and pulled out a wreath of colorful flowers.

Wally pretended to gag at it and then laughed. "You gonna wear that in the competition? That's so… _girly_!"

"It's not for _me_!" Ace snapped before gesturing over to the jewelry kiosk where a sizeable amount of girls began to form there. "Lady Kuki! May I grace myself with your beautiful presence?"

Slack jawed, Wally watched as Kuki turned and giggled at Ace before curtsying. "You may, sir knight!" She squealed in delight when he presented her with the wreath of flowers. "Ooooh! How pretty!"

"Not as pretty as you," Ace bowed before placing the wreath upon the crown of her dark hair. "I was wondering if I may have a token of favor from you for my jousting competition? Surely wearing something of yours would bless me with the greatest of luck."

One of the jousters whistled lowly to Wally's right which immediately set him off. "Smoothie. He's definitely a _smoothie_."

"OI!" Wally snapped and tried to roll his sleeves up only to scrub at his armor. The confusion nearly had him fall backwards onto the mud if not for one of the jousters who pulled him back up by the armpits at the last minute.

"At ease, cadet."

Wally ignored Kuki and Ace long enough to spare a second look at his 'savior'. "_Cadet_? Is that you, Numbuh 60?"

"The one and only." Lifting off his helmet, dark hair and storm grey eyes revealed themselves to the shorter operative. "You should save that anger for the jousting. I hear Ace has been practicing all winter to keep his title."

Wally snorted loudly. "Yeah, well I've been practicing _all year_! He's not gonna best me this time!" For the first time in months, the lightbulb in his head clicked. "Hey, what chu doing here anyways? Ain't ya supposed to be at the Arctic Base?"

Patton scratched at his helmet hair. "Numbuh 1 didn't tell you? This year it's guild against guild for the lifetime's supply of ice cream. Sector V's going to need all the help you can get from Global Command. Got some of our best fighters here training. Here…" he slapped some kind of sticker right on Wally's breastplate, a coat of arms with the letters _KNKO_ emblazoned on it. "_Kids Next Kingdom Over_. Named after the fourth age of the KND."

He patted his breastplate, blue eyes widening in awe. "Cooooool." Revved up now that he belonged to a proper guild, Wally punched his palm. "We're gonna kick some major-!"

"Sir Wallllllyyyyy!" Kuki giggled and waved at them before bounding over, ignoring Ace completely much to his frustration. "And Sir Patton! Do you both want my favors for the joust?! I've still got five more ribbons!"

"Nah, but thanks," Patton replied and raised an eyebrow at the green ribbons in her fist. "You're just giving your favors out like candy! It's supposed to be for only _one_ knight!"

Kuki held the ribbons close to her chest as if Patton just offended them. "Well, not_ these_ favors of course! They don't match my dress! These are good luck favors since everybody asked for one last year and I didn't have enough! This one is my _real_ lady's favor!" She pulled out a long pink ribbon from her pocket and dangled it in front of Wally. He gagged at the color.

"Who'd want to wear_ that_ on their armor?!" Wally protested. "I'd be laughed out of the stables!"

Kuki huffed, picked up her dress, and stomped away with a glare. "Fine! I wasn't going to give it to you anyway, Numbuh 4!"

There was a moment of silence before Patton cleared his throat. "Are you usually as dense as your file says or are you just really good at pretending?"

"OI!"

* * *

Dressed in peasants outfits, Nick and Chip sat on the announcers booth overlooking the jousting tournament. The stadium was jam packed with people and the cheers were near deafening.

"Hear ye, hear ye! Welcome to the 35th Annual Jousting Tournament brought to you by _Hap-Happy Land_. _If you're not hap-happy, then we're not doing our jo-job_!" Nick opened the event and fiddled with his ear piece.

_"Ahem."_

They both turned to find the very same jester confiscating their earpieces. "No earpieces back in the medieval ages!"

"This renfaire sure stays true to their roots, don't they Nick?" Chip asked aloud as the jester stomped away.

Nick straightened in his seat and grinned, gesturing to the two microphones secretly disguised as tankards. "They sure do, Chip, they sure do. Now on to the proceedings! It looks like we've got the same participants as last year hoping to beat fan favorite Ace for this year's competition."

"Ain't that a one-trick pony," Chip countered professionally. "Like Sir Wallabee Beetles. Every year the poor squire just falls short of winning. All power, but no technique."

Down below, Wally hopped off his pony to point and yell at the announcers. "HEY! Say that to my face, you stoopid...!"

Nick and Chip remained completely oblivious to Wally's taunts. "And we've got a new applicant on our rosters. Word on the grapevine is that this dark horse might be a better opponent against Sir Ace." Nick said and unrolled a parchment to read off it. "Sir Patton Drilovsky who's also Captain of the Royal Guard for the Kids Next Kingdom Over guild. One that will be squaring off against the Teen Empire in the upcoming _Kingdom Wars_ tournament. We'll be expecting a lot from this distinguished knight that's for sure!"

Snorting, Wally kicked the dirt and glowered at Patton, whose expression he couldn't see under the dark helmet. "Listen to these morons! They don't know what a good joust is if it bit them right on the-!"

One of the referrees sounded loudly from a large horn. "All participants prepare yourselves for the first round! Sir Wally versus Sir Ace! Man your positions and may the gods smile upon you! Excelsior!"

"Well well!" Chip voice reverberated throughout the stadium. "It looks like the powers that be decided to take out the weaker competition in the first round! Poor Beetles, let's hope they give him at least a complimentary keychain for his troubles."

"SHUT UP!" Wally snarled before mounting his pony and moving to the edge of the stadium. "I'm gonna win and the first thing I'll do is shove that first place ribbon right in your smug faces!"

"Sir Wally!" He turned to find Kuki dangling from the edge of the stands, waving excitedly at him. "You're not wearing a lady's favor! Don't you want to wear one?!"

The infernal pink ribbon danced in front of his vision and he cringed once more at it. "As if! I can win this on my own without some girly favor!" he shouted and leveled his jousting stick at the sound of the second horn and kicked his pony into a gallop.

Nick leaned forward excitedly. "And they're off, maidens and peasants! Sir Ace's form is just perfect, but it looks like Sir Wally is gaining ground for the advantage!"

"GO WALLY!" Kuki shouted over the large cheers and waved her handkerchief alongside the other ladies. "Watch out for mud because you're not wearing a lady's favor!"

Oddly enough, Wally could single her voice out against the crowd. "For the last time!" he yelled, shooting a look toward the audience. "I'M NOT WEARING A STUPID FAV-!"

The blunt end of Ace's jousting stick hit him hard in the chest. He flopped immediately off his pony and landed right into the mud with a loud crash of metal and wood.

The crowd laughed and cheered as Ace's pony made its rounds across the stadium, its occupant absorbing the jeers and shouts of his name in triumph.

_"SIR ACE! SIR ACE! SIR ACE!"_

"Ouch! Well good luck next time, _Sir Wally the One-Trick Pony_!" Chip announced once the crowd died down. "At least you'll get a keychain for participating!"

Throwing his helmet aside, Wally smacked the mud beneath him and snarled when his pony started to eat at his hair. "Ger-off you stoopid animal! Stoopid ponies! Stoopid favors!"

To the KNKO's credit, a few rounds later Numbuh 60 and Ace tangoed with each other at the final match and everyone watched with bated breath as Patton secured his victory with a well disciplined smack of his jousting stick right at Ace's head.

After Numbuh 10 sashayed her way over to pin the medal to his breastplate and give him a complimentary kiss on the cheek for his exceptional jousting, Patton smirked and shrugged when he met Wally and Kuki halfway out the stadium.

Kuki bounced on her heels and giggled excitedly. "Yay for Numbuh 60! You were great!"

"Yeah, whatever," Wally grumbled and kicked up a fine lair of dust. Kuki frowned and tried to keep the hem of her sparkling dress away from the dirt.

"Hey!" Kuki whined. "I don't want dirt on my dress, Wally!"

Wally answered by stomping angrily around the dirt. "I don't get it! How'd you manage to top Ace?!"

With an apologetic grin, Patton lowered his jousting stick and revealed a dark blue-green ribbon wrapped around the handle. Wally slapped his forehead and groaned.

Kuki grinned triumphantly. "Told you! It's because he had a lady's favor!"

**transmission interrupted**


	3. The Haggis Thickens!

**transmission re-established**

While Wally and Kuki busied themselves with the jousting competition, Hoagie completely took the scenic route by heckling the blacksmiths into 'modifying' current weapons to make it efficient and nearly getting kicked out for his efforts.

"Oh come on! My ideas are flawless!" Hoagie begged while being dragged and tossed on his butt away from the blacksmithing area. "And when the KNKO kicks some major tail at the Kingdom Wars you're going to be begging for _Great Hoagie Gilligan's_ weapon designs-OW!" His belt of tools soared in the air and hit him right on the noggin. He was secretly glad for his helmet.

He brushed himself off and left before they could toss more things at him... like an _anvil_. "_Sheesh_, everyone's a critic!"

But it didn't matter. Patting his tummy as it grumbled in sympathy, Hoagie took a brisk walk over to the _Ye Olde Slop Bucket_ where his favorite villain was serving the populace her disgusting food. He knew exactly what he wanted on the menu this year!

"A plate of your best haggis, m'lady," Hoagie said happily and slid on one of the stools. "And I know you'll make it extra haggy because get it? You're dressed up as a _hag_!" He doubled over backwards and laughed loudly at his own joke. It earned him a few groans in his direction.

Grandma Stuffums waved her wooden spoon angrily at him. "You little brat! I'm not dressed as a hag!"

"Aye, ye look like a witch ter me!" An Irish drawl immediately sobered Numbuh 2 up. Before he could even blink, Numbuh 86 made a grab for the plate of haggis Grandma Stuffum set on the counter.

"Hey!" Hoagie protested and grabbed back the bowl. "That's mine!"

Fanny growled and pulled the bowl back. "Wrong ye stoopid boy! I ordered it first!"

"You can _both_ fight over it," Grandma Stuffum cackled and parted some choice words before she slammed the closed shutters over her kiosk. "That's the last batch I have for today, you no good Kids Next Door brats!"

They both continued this tug-o-war for some time, though Fanny's temper was quickly growing short with each second. "As yer Global Tactical Officer, I _order_ you ter hand over the haggis!"

"If you think you can pull rank on me over _food_, you can think again!" Hoagie tossed right on back. "Can't we at least _rock-paper-scissors_ who gets it? It's getting cold!"

Shooting him a suspicious look, Fanny pushed the plate in the middle of the counter and pointed severely at him. "Fine, but I'm watching you, you scheming boy! If you so much as _touch_ the plate before we decide on a victor, I'm gonna hog tie you with yer own harness!"

Hoagie gulped at the idea. "I'm not gonna do that!"

"Smart move... fer a boy," she sneered and offered her hand. That was when he could readily see her entire outfit: an inspired half-kilt, half-leather get-up entirely made in blue-green plaid. "Ready?"

They both shouted in unison, "_Rock! Paper! Scissors!_", and then tossed their hands in front of them, his fingers mimicking scissors and hers flat for paper.

"Ha! The haggis is mine!" Hoagie crowed in victory until Fanny let out a dangerous sound of a growl mixed with a snarl until she screamed like a banshee. Cowering, he shoved the plate back over to her. "Okay, okay! Jeez! Take it! What are you doing here anyways?"

"Oh, ye think Global Command will let Sector V deal with the lifetime's supply of ice cream do ya?" Fanny gloated through a mouthful of haggis and then pointed a fork at him. "How many times have yer team secured the Delightful's cake..." Hoagie opened his mouth. "And I mean the cake_ intact_, ye stoopid boy! And _failed_?"

He closed it back up again and grumbled. "So... four cakes in a row. There's_ five_ of them! Next time we'll get it for sure!" With a pout, he tried to reach for a piece of the haggis only to get slapped for his efforts. "Aw, c'mon! Just a _taste_!"

"Go get yer own!" Fanny said with an insipid smirk before joyously taking another bite just to spite him. "And why aren't ya working on the guild's weapons?! Trying ter fail another mission again on purpose this time?!"

"Puh-lease, we've got time!" Unfurling a large stack of old paper, he stretched the schematics out on his side of the table much to Fanny's displeasure when it nearly overlapped her plate. "Engineers back in the medieval times were brilliant, by the way! Who'd have thought that using a bow to shoot sticks with points on the end of them could totally take down an enemy's defenses long-range?"

Fanny patted the butt of her long bow over her shoulder in between chews. "Aye, tha's my job. Long-range. Haven't met another operative tha' can shoot like me."

"And that's why I made these!" He tossed a large bag over his notes and pulled out a few prototype arrows that even made Fanny's eyes widen at how diverse they were. "Net arrows, plunger arrows, arrows that split into three in midair! And don't get me started on the shields I custom-made for the occasion! The Teen Empire won't know what hit their pubescent behinds!"

She immediately lunged hungrily for them. "GIMME!"

Having faster reflexes, Hoagie managed to pull his gadgets away from her greedy hands and stuck his tongue out at her. "Oh no you don't! You want a piece of _this_, you gotta give me a piece of _that_." He pointed to the half-eaten haggis.

Growling, Fanny shoved the plate over. "_Fine_. Now hand over yer arrows before I actually use them on ye!"

"Geez. _Greedy_," he mumbled with a full mouth while she went through his bag like a kid who stole Santa's red bag. "And don' take it all! Some are for the ground forces! Oof!" He began to wheeze and choke from a large piece of haggis lodged in his throat.

Someone thumped at his back hard until he coughed and swallowed the obstruction completely. "Ugh... thanks Numbuh 5."

"No problem, Numbuh 2," Abby greeted coolly and took a seat next to him. "Numbuh 5's nose was feeling better so she figured Grandma Stuffums closed early today."

Fanny's hostile demeanor completely changed when Abby joined them. "Ah, finally a _competent_ operative! How was yer patrol of the grounds, Numbuh 5?"

Abby shrugged and sat back in her seat. "Numbuh 5 couldn't get much from the Teen Empire, but she did scope out the battlegrounds before she did some shoppin'. Just sayin', Numbuh 5 heard some things from some of the teens walking around. King Steve might have ferrets to use against our hamsters."

"I'll be sure ter forward this information ter High Queen 362 at once. Excellent work, Numbuh 5!" Fanny nodded as she stuffed her quiver full of prototype arrows. "And I see your _leader_ is nowhere ter be found! Just like a _boy_ ter shirk his duties!"

"Hey!" Hoagie protested weakly. "He can't help it. That Lizzie... we should put _her_ on the front lines!"

Abby snickered at that. "Numbuh 5 agrees with that! Stick her on the front and then put Numbuh 1 right in King Steve's circle. She'll mow through his defenses like wet tissue paper, baby!" Hoagie began to crack up and both him and Abby soon devolved into a fit of snickers.

Fanny wasn't as amused. In fact, she was rubbing her chin, carefully considering those words. Hoagie and Abby traded confused glances before they realized and back pedaled.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Numbuh 86! It was just a joke!" squeaked Hoagie.

Abby nodded fervently. "Numbuh 1 wouldn't like that at all. Just sayin', Numbuh 86. And if you _do_ do it, don't pin the idea on us! Numbuh 5 want nothin' to do with that!"

Fanny and Hoagie began to argue for and against using Lizzie when a couple of adults behind Abby began to talk about ice cream that made her ears perk up. If there was anyone whose love for ice cream was practically a superpower, it would be Numbuh 5 herself.

"And I'm telling you," the adult snarled to the other. "that we shouldn't have something like ice cream as the grand prize!"

The other adult looked around, in a jester's costume that Abby had seen before, and gestured quietly to the angry adult for a place more secretive to talk. Eyes narrowing, Abby lowered her red feathered cap over them and slid out of the booth.

"Numbuh 5?" Fanny raised an eyebrow. "Where are yeh goin'?"

She coolly waved them off. "Numbuh 5 smells something fishy. She gonna do a little rogue work."

Both Hoagie and Fanny looked at each other. "Err... but we don't have time for that!" Hoagie said in protest. "The battle's going to happen in a half hour and High Queen 362 is gonna sound the recruiting horn any..."

As if on cue, the low tone of a trumpet reached their ears and caused many people to look up in wonderment.

Down in the jousting area, Wally, Kuki, and Patton looked up at the sky and, trading determined nods, they quickly grabbed their gear and head off with the rest of the stragglers.

When Abby started to move after the adults before she lost them completely, she warned Hoagie and Fanny off, who had started to gear up and follow her. "Numbuh 5's got this. You guys head to the guild. Numbuh 5'll be there before the event."

"If you say so," Hoagie said, unsure, but Abby had quickly disappeared through the crowd. With a shrug, he followed Fanny towards the heart of the faire.

* * *

Funny thing about adults, they're too big to _not_ be spotted. Abby had managed to catch them disappearing into one of the tents designed for a gypsy settlement and dodged Numbuh 10's questions and dangling gold bracelets to sneak inside.

"Like I said before, the grand prize for those bratty kids and those punk teens are just a show," the jester said with a grin. Abby hid between the barrels and listened in. "Mr. Boss had it set all up! Brilliant plan, I say!"

The other adult wasn't very convinced. "What? So we're just gonna say _'nah_ _nah, there's no ice cream'_? Yeah, _great_ plan."

"No you idiot!" the Jester's hat shook and the bells rang loud enough to startle Abby. "It's a ruse! Kids never read the fine print on those stupid posters." Unfurling a smaller version of the poster from his pocket, he grabbed a pair of reading glasses and magnified the tiny text on the bottom.

The other adult read it aloud. "_'The winner won't really win ice cream because we know kids and teens don't read contracts. The winner will receive an all-expense paid trip to the Junior Institution for Violent Youth and Troublemaking Teens for all of summer and winter break. Nah nah nah nah.'_ Genius! This is genius!"

The jester closed the poster with a snap. "Of course it is! And with the kids and teens fighting for our amusement, and the loser's forces thinned while the winners are shipped off to a security center, they'll be one less group of brats to worry about!" Both of the adults began to laugh diabolically.

"Not if Numbuh 5 has any say in this," Abby murmured under her breath before backing up and accidentally knocking a barrel over with a loud thump. She stilled in surprise when the adults caught her.

"It's one of those brats next door!" the adult snarled.

With a shout, Abby kicked one of the poles holding up the tent and tumbled out as the cloth roof caved on them. "Wrong. It's the_ Kids _Next Door_, _baby!"

She had to run and tell High Queen 362 before they shipped out!

**transmission interrupted**


	4. The Hamster Wardens vs The Ferretspawn

**transmission re-established**

There were two large tents on opposite sides of the park. One on the far right was designated for the Teen Empire and the left protected by the Kids Next Kingdom Over.

Inside the KNKO tent, there was a large square table where High Queen 362 sat at the end with Sir Nigel at the opposite side. He was quite confused about the arrangement.

"Err... isn't this supposed to be a_ round_ table?"

Fanny shot a dour glare at Herbie, who pouted. "Don't look at me!" he whined. "This is all I could get at the last-minute!"

"Whatever. That's not important!" Rachel cut in and focused on the plans littering the table. "From the intel we've got so far from our sources, not only is the Teen Empire using mutated ferrets for their first wave, but they've added lancers to their ranks. Which means..."

"Which means I'm gonna kick some teen keester with my jousting!" Wally punched his palm with delight, which earned an eyeroll from Patton. "I know what yer gonna say, Supreme Queen Leader, and it's_ 'oh the great and powahful Sir Wally, would you lead the lancers to victory?!'_"

Fanny let out a bark of laughter. "Oh yeh? And 'ow DID ye do in the annual jousting competition today, Numbuh 4?! Heard ye made it past the participation booth at least!" That earned a few snickers which made Wally turn red with anger.

"That thing was rigged from the start!"

"AS I was saying!" Rachel interrupted, her patience growing thin. "I need a quick recruit of anyone capable of wielding a lance. Sir Patton will lead the charge."

Wally opened his mouth to protest, but his superior did it for him. "If it's all the same to you, your majesty, I belong to your personal guard. Sir Wally is capable of leading the lancers."

She frowned. "Are you sure, Numbuh 60... err, I mean, _Sir Patton_?"

"Hey!" Wally exclaimed. "I don't need your charity!" He growled when Patton poked him on the breastplate.

"You'd rather I enlist _Ace_ to lead? Alright."

Spluttering, Wally slapped Patton's hand away. "You NUTS?! This is MY lancing team! _Mine_!"

Rachel sighed. "Alright then. Sir Wally will lead the lancers. I better _hope_ I'm not regretting this." she turned. "Sir Hoagie, you'll be on the rear lines with your ranged inventions and I _don't_ have to warn you about using modern 2x4 technology. We don't want to get disqualified over a technicality!"

"Yes, your super-dooper majesty!" Hoagie saluted and grinned. "You're gonna _love_ what I came up with! It's a humun-gantuan giant spoon... that you stuff something heavy on, pull it back, and then FWEEEEW it flies through the air and POW right into enemy lines!"

"So... a _catapult_." Numbuh 35 pointed out dryly. "Very original."

"HEY!"

Rachel returned to her battle plans. "That'll do just fine, Sir Hoagie. Lady Kuki, you're in charge of rallying our hamsters. Sir Abigail..." she looked around. "Where's Numbuh 5?"

"Emergency spy work, your majesty," Hoagie said worryingly. "I think."

"I'll fill her in when she gets back," Nigel reassured her. "I'll lead the front and second lines. I've got a bone to pick with their _Captain of the Guard_."

Rachel nodded. "Alright. Sir Fanny, you're in charge of the archers. Before we release the hamsters, you'll be initiating the first wave..."

"NUMBUH 362!" Abby shouted, pulling back the flaps of the tent and shoving past the large throng of operatives to reach the table. "We need to forfeit the battle!"

"Are yeh _NUTS_?!" Fanny exclaimed. "Why am I not surprised? This is the Delightful's cake all over again!"

Growling, Abby took off her feathered cap. "This isn't about cake _OR_ ice cream! None of it is!"

"What's wrong, Numbuh 5?" Rachel asked with a frown, only to be interrupted by two adults arriving. "KNKO! Adults in the vicinity!"

"Relax," the jester said in boredom, not very impressed by the all the weapons aimed at them. "We're part of the _Kingdom Wars_ committee, so I don't think it's in your best interest to attack the ones who can give you a lifetime supply of ice cream don't you think?"

Rachel bit her lip and reluctantly struck her arm across the air. "Stand down everyone." With a grumble, her soldiers lowered their swords.

"These are the guys! MFFGHHHGHH!" Abby shouted before her mouth was covered by the bigger adult. She started muffling angrily.

The jester clapped his hands together in concern. "We're afraid that one of your soldiers has used modern technology in the area. This_ one_ in particular has used this strange doohickey."

The kids gasped when he revealed a KND communicator. "Does this look familiar to you?"

"Oooh! Oooh!" Kuki cooed. "That's the specialized Rainbow Monkey communicator Numbuh 5 always uses! Where did you buy it at?!"

"We didn't buy it anywhere!" the jester snapped. "We found it on this girl! That's grounds for an immediate disqualification from the _Kingdom Wars_!" The kids started to loudly complain and, to Nigel's surprise, Abby seemed entirely pleased with the idea with the way she was nodding in the adult's arms.

"I knew it!" Fanny wailed. "We cannae trust Sectah V with ANYTHING!"

"However," the jester continued smugly. "We're willing to let this pass. Why ruin an entire group for one child, I say! That's not the spirit of the Renaissance Faire! In exchange for putting your 'rogue' in the stocks, we'll let you march into battle."

"No way!" Nigel said in protest. "Numbuh 5 is a part of our team!"

Harvey sneered among the larger group. "Typical Numbuh 1. Ruining it for the rest of us over_ one_ teammate. Who died and made _you_ High King?!"

"Yeah!" Some of the operatives began to murmur and complain among themselves.

Rachel had no choice but to loudly shush them. "Enough! Sorry Numbuh 1, but this ice cream is the only way we can bring our quota up for the year! We can't afford any chivalry about this."

"You're making a big mistake!" Nigel countered when they dragged Abby away. "You know Abby, Rachel! She wouldn't sabotage us if she didn't have a good reason!"

Rachel waited until the adults disappeared. "And you're probably right. Focus on the battle, Numbuh 1 and leave it to me."

"But..."

"Are you questioning your High Queen?" she snapped. "Your _Supreme Leader_?"

With a frustrated sigh, Nigel reluctantly bowed his head. "No, your majesty."

Once all the operatives dispersed from the tent at the sound of the warning horn, Rachel retreated to the back where a fully clad teenager in armor was hiding beyond the tent flaps. He knelt when she approached. "Your majesty."

"I questioned Sector V once and I was wrong," she told him with a sheepish smile. "I've learned to never make the same mistake twice. Your new orders is to find Abby at the stocks and find out what she uncovered. Think you can handle it, Sir Maurice?"

Maurice lifted the visor of his helmet to visibly grin. "As if there was any doubt, sir."

* * *

They had hauled Abby physically through the faire and she struggled throughout. "You won't get away with this!" she yelled. "When the Kids Next Door finds out what you're REALLY planning, Numbuh 5 bets her best candy yer gonna feel it the next day!"

"And who's gonna tell them? You?!" the jester grinned. They tossed her into the stocks and locked her head and hands between the planks. Passerbys started to jeer and laugh as they walked by.

"As we speak, your little clubhouse is going to fight with those obnoxious teens for the chance of an all-expense paid vacation to the detention center! Sit back," he pulled out a roll of duct tape. "Relax," he ripped a piece and slapped it across her mouth. "and enjoy the best seat in the house!"

Laughing evilly, the Jester jumped down the platform and urged spectators to follow him. "Maidens and squires! Come and witness the main event! _The Kingdom Wars_!"

Abby let out a muffled yell trying to get any random person to help her only for them to laugh or pass by her to chat excitedly about the battle beginning. She paled and shut her eyes when an executioner clad in black approached her and raised her battle-axe.

"Oh_ please_," the executioner trilled in a familiar voice. "you didn't actually think you'd get a_ real_ execution do you? You're more gullible than I thought, Abigail."

"Mmmffghghg aaaaahhhh!" Abby took a giant breath when the tape was ripped from her mouth. "What's the big idea?!"

Taking off her black hood, Cree dangled the silver tape in front of her little sister's face before tossing it over her shoulder. "Duct tape's a _futuristic_ item. Technically, it's not allowed. Just doing my role in this stupid faire."

Abby's eyes widened in realization before smiling in relief. "Then you know what's going on?"

"Nope, but you're gonna tell me," Cree holstered her axe and folded her arms. "Maurice said something about my bratty little sister getting in trouble, so I had to see for myself. You wouldn't betray your stupid friends. It's not your style. That means something's going to go wrong on the teens' end. Better spill or you'll get worse than hanging around the stocks all day."

She nodded. "Get me out of here, Cree, and Numbuh 5 be telling you everything."

"You don't trust me?" Cree's dark grin answered it for her. "Good girl. I suppose I can just turn around and let you walk off. Bribing the warden is a renaissance thing after all." She pulled out one of the old-fashioned keys and, with a heavy click, the wooden lid over Abby loosened and fell off completely.

Rubbing her wrists, Abby revealed her end of the bargain. "There's no lifetime supply of ice cream, Cree. The winner gets sent to a detention facility."

"What?" Cree almost dropped her axe in alarm. "What do you mean a detention facility?!"

Abby tried not to look smug about it. "In the summer_ and _winter_."_

Her older sister started to pace erratically. "Oh no, this is bad. This is really bad. I gotta tell The Steve!"

"Numbuh 5 already tried that!" Abby snarled. "How'd you think she ended up here in first place? Those stupid adults caught on!"

"Well you're just gonna have to suck it up and try again, won't you?" Cree sneered. "Never pegged you for a quitter, Abigail. Losing your touch?"

Squeezing her hands into fists, Abby jumped off the platform and reacted to the sound of the commencing horn. "As if. Numbuh 5's got a war to stop!"

"Hmph."

* * *

One of their soldiers approached the Queen's Guard and saluted. "Preparations are complete, your majesty! All ranks accounted for and catapults are a go on your orders!"

Rachel nodded and, noticing Nigel's silence, asked quietly. "Nigel, do you trust me?"

That snapped him from his thoughts. "You're a capable leader, Rachel. I can't be anymore honored serving under you."

"You're just worried about Numbuh 5," she said and calmly looked upon the still bare battlefield as operatives started lining up. "I understand."

"We're going to win," he reached into his armor for sunglasses that weren't there and let out a sigh of irritation. He held the hilt of his blade instead. "And I know Numbuh 5 will find away back to the team. My priority now is to the Kids Next Kingdom Over and to keep my Queen safe."

Rachel snorted and grinned. "Just keep our defenses strong, Numbuh 1. With you leading the cavalry, I'm confident that the Teen Empire won't know what hit them."

At the sound of the horn, they marched in formation until they stopped just shy of the main battleground, waiting for their opponent.

Someone on the Teen Empire's end used a fog machine to psyche them out because from beyond the trees, they watched as the Teen Empire menacingly emerged from the fog, plastic and wooden weapons already out for the 'slaughter'.

Rachel's eyes narrowed, taking in the opposition, and her elite operatives braced themselves. "Hold ranks! Don't show them your fear!" she shouted down the hundreds of operatives under her command.

Most of them straightened by her encouragement, but few began to cower at the teens' menacing grins. Sonya took a step back, shivering, until Lee pushed her gently back to her spot with his shield, shaking his head.

The Teen Empire's ranks were bigger than their High Queen initially estimated. Soon after, Chad emerged with a few ranking traitors under his command, guarding King Steve in all his cool glory.

"Like, what a day for a good ye ol' butt kicking!" King Steve said loudly. "Ready to get trounced, cute pie?"

"You couldn't even spell 'trounced' if you tried!" Rachel yelled back. "Get your life insurance policy ready old man, because I'm about to cash in on that crown! ARCHERS!"

Nodding, Fanny raised her hand up for the slew of KNKO archers aiming high into their air with arrow plungers and nets at the ready. "ON MAH MARK!"

"Get the ferrets ready!" King Steve ordered Chad, who was kneeling at his feet. "Once the battle begins, your like, request to go after the Queen and her Captain is granted. As long as nothing messes with my hair, got it?"

Chad grinned darkly and got to his feet after he bowed. "Your generosity is gonna be rewarded, your majesty, I _promise_ you that." He shoved one of his men forward. "You heard your King! Get the ferrets!"

"Y-yes Captain!"

Noting the cages the Teen Empire was accumulating, Rachel turned to Kuki, who was more busy spinning around in her dress than focusing on the battle. "Drat! We can't attack the animals directly! Lady Kuki! Ready the hamsters!"

"Ooookay your majesty!" she giggled. "And your dress is _sooo_ pretty and silvery! And your crown! Oooooh! Who made it?!"

"Numbuh 3..." Nigel drawled and palmed his face. He groaned when Lizzie's shrill voice zipped out the jeering crowd that was gathering.

"SIR NIGIE!" she waved a hanky at him. "Wear my lady's favor or I'll PUT IT ON MYSELF!" Wincing, Nigel pulled a yellow ribbon from his pocket and tied it around the hilt of his sword. "That's better!" she chirped. "Go Sir Nigie!"

Patton snickered from behind just as the horn sounded.

"RELEASE THE FERRETS!" King Steve yelled and, unlocking the cages, a giant flock of ferrets scattered down the field towards them.

Rachel waved once to Kuki. "First move's yours, Lady Kuki!"

"WHEEEEE!" Absently skipping down to the front lines, she cleared her throat and began to sing, which caused the ferrets to stop in confusion. "LA LA LA LALA!"

King Steve opened his helmet to squint at the little girl. "Like, what's going on?!" The teens started to laugh at Kuki, who kept on singing nonsense in bad key.

"Calling all my hamster friends!" she sang and danced like a Disney Princess. "My cutesy wootsy cuddly muffins! Come out from the woods and- " Her eyes became alight with fire and her song ended in a demonic growl. "-_LAY WASTE TO OUR ENEMIES_!"

The ground rumbled. The ferrets scampered back in alarm when a sea of hamsters piled on top of each other, creating a handful of seven-foot hamster golems that roared like dragons. One-by-one they crashed into wave after wave of mutated ferrets, cheered on by Kuki's singing.

"First wave's ours!" Rachel screamed, encouraging her army. "Sir Fanny! Archers!"

"FYAR!" Fanny yelled and tossed her arm down. Arrows literally covered the skies above the Teen Empire before Chad ordered their shields up. "YOUR SHIELDS CAN'T STOP US FOREVER!" she snarled and pulled out her own bow. Aiming at the front lines, she managed to smack two teen knights on the forehead with plunger arrows and the referee whistled twice as casualties.

Grumbling, the teens fell over, feigning death, and got Chad to grit his teeth. "ATTACK!" With a roar, the teenage front lines began to advance past the ferrets and hamsters.

"Sir Nigel!" Rachel yelled and pointed her blade to the battlefield.

On cue, Nigel flagged the front lines and shouted, "FOR THE KIDS NEXT KINGDOM OVER!" Matching screams with the teens, their knights broke rank and began the charge until they all clashed in the middle of the field while the crowd cheered.

By the time Abby and Cree managed to reach the battlefield, the two armies were already locked in heated combat.

"We're... we're too late!" Abby cried out.

From the sidelines, the jester and his cronies cackled in delight.

"May the strongest army_ lose_!" he howled with laughter.

**transmission interrupted**


	5. A Song of Oops and Fire

**connection re-established**

The battle continued on by the time Nick and Chip managed to secure a spot commentating on events.

Nick folded his hands and addressed the announcer's horn in front of them. "In case you haven't tuned in ladies and rogues, we are now in the first ten minutes of the annual _Kingdom Wars_! This time it's between the Kids Next Door and the Teen Ninjas as they duke it out for a lifetime's supply of delicious ice cream!"

"You mean the _Kids Next Kingdom Over_ and the _Teen Empire_, Nick!" Chip sounded with every hint of professionalism. "Remember this_ is_ the Renaissance Age!"

"Indeed it is, Chip," Nick corrected. "and now history is doomed to repeat itself as the Teen Empire's forces have unleashed their lancers. In opposition, Sir Wallabee Beetles has been given command of KNKO's jousting division!"

A group of dark armored lancers on ponies charged past the hand-to-hand combat, opting to break the High Queen's inner defenses earlier than they expected.

"Numbuh 4!" Nigel yelled from his own steed. "Ready the counterattack!"

"I WAS _BORN_ READY!" Wally shouted and raised his new 2x4 inspired lance above his head to signal the others behind him. "CHARGE!"

Chip tutted. "This might be a bad call for High Queen McKenzie. Did she forget that Sir Beetles thou sucketh during the jousting tournament earlier?"

"HEY!" Wally shouted and nearly got skewered from a wandering lance when they connected with the enemy. He jumped off his pony and ended up rolling in the mud again to avoid the attack. "Aw man! Not AGAIN!"

"Oooh," Nick said with hardly any remorse. "Tough break again for Sir Beetles, but did we honestly expect any less?"

"Point taken, Nick!" Chip said unhelpfully.

Kuki waved between two fighters locked in combat, careful to avoid getting her dress dirty. "Sir Wally! I told you to wear a _favor_!"

"For the last time!" he snarled, jumping away to avoid getting axed by a random teen knight. "I'm not wearing those stupid thing-YOWWW!" Kicked in the rump, he ate dirt and glared up at his would-be executioner who raised a sword in the air. Even now, he was defiant to the end.

The referee's whistle blew when Wally screwed his eyes shut, but Nick's loud commentary forced him to open them in alarm.

"Such a shame!" Nick shouted. "Lady Kuki Sanban has been _slain!_"

Kuki had jumped in between them. A plastic sword was thrusted between her side and arm.

Nigel nearly dropped his shield in shock. "Numbuh 3?!" Unfortunately, he found himself fighting three knights at once and couldn't stop for a moment to grieve his teammate's fate.

Chip shook his head. "So much for a knight in shining armor!"

"K-kuki?" Wally said hesitantly, wide-eyed, when she fell forward onto the mud and remained there. "KUKI!" He scrambled after her and held her in his arms, bottom lip quivering. "No! It can't be!"

"Uggggh..." Kuki opened her eyes and reached out. "Wally... you..."

"Don't say anything! You'll be okay!" Blinking away tears, he shouted, "Medic! Healer! I need someone who can do bandage thingies! _Please_!"

She shook at his chain mail to get his attention. "T-take... the... my lady's favor...!" In her shaking hand was a simple pink ribbon. "Do it... for... ice cream..."

Sniffing, he let the ribbon fall into his hand and, with a smile, Kuki sank into his arms and said no more.

Nick dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. "What a show! Good night, sweet princess!"

"Golly whiz, Sir Beetles just can't get a break can he, Nick?" Chip asked rhetorically. "First he failed spectacularly in the jousting competition. On the _first_ round!"

"Indeed, Chip!"

"And now he couldn't protect the late Lady Sanban. It's a Shakespeare tragedy, Nick!" he paused and then asked eagerly, "Can we get an instant replay on that?"

Wally reluctantly let her rest back onto the grass and, squeezing the ribbon in his fist, he glared up at the teen who killed her in an unveiled fury. "You!" he growled and got to his feet. "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!" Grabbing his lance, he howled in pain and turned it into anger, smashing the butt of the lance down on the teen's head which earned him a whistle before going after the next one indiscriminately without so much as a breath of air.

"IT'S NOT ENOUGH! I'M GUNNA DESTROY _ALL_ OF YOU!" This time, he got one of their own in a blind fury.

"Whoa there, Sir Beetles!" Nick trumped. "Who's side is he on, Chip?!"

"No side, Nick! The referee has carded him in berserk mode!" Chip answered, reading off the score parchment. "He's granted higher strength with a drop in intelligence... which probably puts that score in the_ negatives_," he tacked on. "If King Stevenson and Queen McKenzie are _smart_, they'll keep their soldiers out of the way until he runs out of energy!"

"Numbuh 4's gone coo-coo bananas!" Rachel shouted to Nigel from her position, but he was unable to help as he was in the midst of holding down the left flank that was being breached. "Numbuh 60! Go and stop him!" she turned to her guard.

"Negatory!" Patton said, his shield up to protect her from all sorts of flying debris, mainly arrows. Fanny was kinda going crazy at this point. "We're being pressed on all sides! I can't afford to leave you here!"

Rachel grabbed him by the collar of his chain mail. "Yes you can! And you _will!_ That's an order, Numbuh 60!" He grit his teeth, torn between following orders or protecting his Queen. In the end, he nodded stiffly and charged off after Wally, now a madman let loose on the field no matter whose side he was initially on.

"Now's my chance." Seeing the High Queen without her loyal valet, Chad jumped into the fray, weaving between the fighting trying not to draw attention to himself. _Especially_ Uno.

Further down the battlefield, Fanny grabbed one of her straining archers and shoved him behind her. "Move back!" she ordered, no longer able to move long-range as the teens continually started to push forward.

In the end, she ended up using her bow as mêlée weapon against incoming attacks, gritting her teeth when she found herself blocking a teen's sword to give her archers the chance to run for it.

"Heh, heh, look at that!" the teen bearing down at her laughed. "It's renaissance, not _Disney_, Princess Merida! Let me guess, got your mama bear hidden under your skirt?!"

Fanny sneered and managed to punch the teen in the face with her fist. "Not quite! Boys!" The teen fell back with fear as two black bears swarmed him and he screamed, running back into the crowd of combatants.

Snickering, Paddy and Shaunie lifted their fake bear heads up and high-fived each other. "And fer the record, it's a _kilt_ ye bleedin' tick!" she taunted and blew a raspberry at his retreat.

* * *

"Numbuh 3..." Abby gazed sadly down at Kuki's prone form. The area around her was void of fighting because Wally was instinctively running around guarding it and snapping his teeth like an animal at _everyone_, friend or foe.

Cree seemed more amused by the 'casualties'. "Looks like we're late. That sucks."

"It's never too late!" Abby said grimly and put her feathered cap back on. "If you know what's good for you, yer gonna stop your stupid king!"

"Like I care about Steve at this point," Cree snorted. "The only reason I'm not running to avoid incarceration is because Maurice is down there fighting the brats. I'm going down there, grab him, and escape. If you're smart, which I _highly doubt_, you'd do the same."

Abby looked at her with disgust. "Numbuh 5 sees your loyalties haven't changed. And she means you didn't have any to _start_ with!" Determined, she ran down the hill to join her friends. "Numbuh 5's gonna end this once and for all!"

"Yawn..." Cree replied lazily and took a leisurely walk after her.

* * *

Rachel was in the midst of watching her front instead of her back, surveying and strategizing like a hawk, which gave Chad the advantage of sneaking up on her. His plastic axe raised for the kill.

A dagger with a plunger end shot past his cheek and into the tree trunk behind him. He blinked and found Rachel had already sensed him and turned, glaring coldly at him.

He had forgotten that she was a former spy. The _best_ one, to boot.

"Looks like a penalty on Sir Dickson!" Nick shouted over the referee's whistling, zooming in on the failed assassination. "The dice roll on Queen McKenzie's throw failed, but her high dexterity and accuracy points were enough cement a hit! The referee has deemed Sir Dickson unable to see with his left eye!"

With a snarl, Chad forced his left eye closed, but his position was already given away. He abandoned stealth and ran head first for her, dragging the blade of his axe against the ground in momentum.

Despite the cushy job of Supreme Leader under her belt, Rachel was still blessed with quick reflexes from spy work and procured another set of dagger darts between her fingers. She started throwing them all at once which forced him to twist and cart-wheel away. Every single dart smacked the tree trunks he had been in front of barely a second ago.

Chip leaned forward in his seat with excitement. "Look at the High Queen move! Perhaps there's more to her than just a tactical eye, eh Nick?"

"Absolutely, Chip! And impressive for someone wearing a _corset_! How _does_ she do that?!"

The commentary made Rachel wince in remembrance. "Ugh, no wonder my aim was off!" she started to tear at her dress, ripping out her corset in the process.

"Whoa-ho-ho! Should I look away? My mom always said it isn't polite watching a girl change!" Nick covered his eyes.

"I don't think it counts if she's wearing something underneath, Nick! She's packing more chain mail than an unused email box!" Chip noted when she kicked her silver dress away and revealed an impressive replica of scale mail.

"Why am I not surprised that under thy High Queen's noble frock, there's a no-good rogue still alive in there?" Chad barked with a smirk, checking out her new outfit before jumping away from the daggers Rachel threatened him with.

She spun the blades in her hands. "Not anymore," she said coldly. "You left your kingdom in shambles like a coward and this _no-good rogue_ took the mess and made it better than you could _ever_ do. You angry yet?"

"_Now_ I am," he sneered and swung his axe at her which she had trouble blocking under his heavier weight and strength. "You've been a very bad girl, Numbuh 362, mouthing off to your superior like that!"

"You're not _my_ superior! Not anymore!" she snarled and locked weapons with him. "You don't deserve that title anymore!"

* * *

They needed a way to turn the tide of battle in their favor. Hoagie had waited patiently enough for Nigel's order but, with his sector leader preoccupied taking down teen after teen, he decided that King Steve was getting too comfortable watching while their own Queen was in the midst of her _own_ battles!

"For Yipper's sake!" Hoagie yelped and lowered his spyglass. "He's getting his _hair_ done back there!" Nodding to his fellow engineers, he signaled them to start packing dirt into the catapults.

"Alright then! He wants a spa treatment? Then let's give his little court a good ol' fashioned _mud-bath_! FIRE!" Each lever was pulled and he watched triumphantly as dirt soared over into an arc with enemy arrows unable to stop it. A thousand kajillion tons of mud crashed right into enemy territory, shaking up the ranks as they screamed and tried to run for cover.

Hoagie pumped his hand while examining the damage with his spyglass. "YES! Eat mudpies, teenage scum!"

"We got an opening!" Harvey shouted and, on his lead, a gaggle of them slipped past the quarreling animals and forced King Steve to scramble his court, seething at the state of his once perfectly coiffed pompadour now dripping in mud.

That gave Patton the opening to tackle Wally while he was distracted by the flying mud and personally smacked some sense into him. "Numbuh 4!" he yelled, hitting Wally's face over and over with his palm. "This. Is. No. Time. To. Be. Wallowing. Over. Numbuh. 3! Do you want her death taken for granted?!"

Wally squirmed and tried to bite at his superior until the words sank in. "I... no! I don't!"

The referee blew his whistle in two short bursts.

"Looks like a penalty on Sir Wally now that he's snapped out of berserker mode!" Chip announced. "It's a mandatory one minute cool down before he can engage in battle!"

Patton took that time to pick up Wally's abandoned lance and shove it into the smaller boy's arms. "You still can avenge Sanban, Beetles! The _honorable_ way this time!"

Wally's eyes blinked in unshed tears and looked down at the dirtied pink ribbon twisted around his fingers. He took a deep breath. With renewed determination, he tied Kuki's favor around the hilt of his lance when the ref whistled the countdown finished. "It may be stupid and girly, but it's _Kuki'_s."

"Nice ribbon, dork!" One of the teens jeered over them.

"It's not a ribbon!" Wally spat out. "It's my _LADY'S FAVOR_!" He kicked the teen's legs and watched him crash before jumping and smacking his wooden lance over his head. The whistle of the referee indicated Wally's first kill. Spinning his lance coolly over his head, he jumped off the unconscious teen and yelled in loyalty of the Kids Next Kingdom Over.

"Atta boy," Patton grinned and joined his fellow operative back-to-back as another whistle sounded again in their favor. Shouting in unison, they charged into enemy territory to help defend the younger operatives' descent towards King Steve's guards.

That was where they came in contact with Abby, who slid across the mud to join them.

* * *

Pretty soon combat dwindled as numbers from both sides started gaining casualties. Five minutes later, Hoagie lost the 'impenetrable' defense for his catapults. In revenge for his hair, King Steve launched his own artillery across the field which made Hoagie gape.

"_HOT TAMALES_! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He flailed and ran along with the others as fire rained down the sky and destroyed most of his catapults in the process.

King Steve advanced on Hoagie, who was trying not to cry out in laughter at the state of the coolest kid's hair. He failed and started cackling. "Oh... oh jeez! I-I c-c-can't! Ahahahahaha! You look l-like Augustus Gloop!"

"You think it's funny, you little punk?!" Steve snarled and kicked Hoagie hard enough for him to crash onto the ground with a yelp. "I think, like, you need a decent tip for the mud bath! How about the tip of my blade?!"

Hoagie chuckled nervously at the great axe in Steve's hand. "Can't you just tip me in quarters? Ack!" He scrambled back when Steve raised his great axe over his head.

"Good idea! I'll send you to your mom in quarters!"

"I change my mind! I accept dimes!" Hoagie whined and covered his head for impact.

From up above, Fanny clicked her tongue from her perch in the tree, feeling for one lone arrow left in her quiver.

Virginia jumped onto her leader's branch and patted down her own empty quiver. "What do we do, Sir Fanny? We're almost out of ammo!"

"Then we make sure every last arrow counts!" Fanny snarled and pulled the drawstring back. She caught King Steve advancing on Hoagie down below. She inhaled and Virginia fell silent, realizing she needed to get this shot right.

When she aimed for his back, her hands started to shake a bit. If she missed her mark, they may never get the opportunity to do it again!

Her aim was true when Steve started to throw his axe at Hoagie. She exhaled the shot with the flick of her fingers.

"It looks like Sir Fulbright's team has successfully rolled doubles on their retreat! They are allowed to hide in the trees and away from physical contact!" Nick announced, reading from the bit of parchment paper the referees had given him. "But wait, what's this? It's a snipe attack on the King!"

Her heart dropped down to her stomach when Maurice bodily shoved Steve out of the way and got hit in the shoulder with her arrow instead. At the very least, Hoagie managed to scramble away while Fanny cried out in anger and frustration.

"Tough break for Sir Fulbright!" Chip shouted, practically climbing over the table to witness the near win.

"And what luck it was for the Teen Empire, Nick!" Chip replied. "Ever since Sir Gilligan blasted a way through the Teen Empires' nigh-impenetrable defenses, King Steve has ordered foot soldiers to successfully take out the catapults! Sir Fulbright may have failed to snipe them out, but is she able to redeem herself?"

Nick nodded. "Depends, Chip! It looks like they exhausted a lot of their arrows during the third wave. How much ammo could they possibly have left now?!"

"Easy! We've got no more arrows left!" Fanny snarled at the two annoying announcers before addressing her archers. "Fire the hamsters!"

Virginia dropped her jaw. "_Hamsters?!_"

"Ye 'eard me!" It was only when she surveyed the fighting from above did she witness her Queen already trading blows with Chad and fading fast. Patton was nowhere to be found.

"Of all the... ye stoopid...!" Angered, she jumped out of the safety of her tree. "Your majesty!" Fanny yelled and charged after them, only to suddenly be slashed casually across the chest by King Steve's greataxe when he emerged out of nowhere.

Rachel's eyes widened as the ref sounded his whistle and, uncomprehending the attack, Fanny gasped and collapsed when Steve pulled away with a grin. "NUMBUH 86!"

Chad kicked out her legs from under her in her moment of distraction. She yelped and fell onto her back, only to scream in pain when he 'stabbed' her right arm with her own discarded blade.

"Looks like KNKO is in trouble!" Chip announced loudly, letting his bias show through to get someone's attention. "Sir Dickson rolled doubles and has successfully impaled High Queen McKenzie's arm!"

Nick squinted his eyes to see for himself. "Oh boy, looks like she'll be losing her favored arm in the process! A crippling blow indeed!"

Chad knelt over her, posture cocky, and watched her bare her teeth at him when he pressed the tip of the blade against her throat. "That's it. That's the look I've been waiting for. Beautiful and full of hatred like a true leader."

"Funny," an English accent drawled out. "I don't remember those being in the definition of 'leader'. I must be in the wrong job."

Chad growled, glanced to the side, and found the tip of Nigel's blade pressed against his jugular. "Well? Don't hold out, _Numbuh 274_, I'm waiting for you to flatter me too!"

Dropping his sword obediently, Chad held his hands up and was led away. Rachel clutched her throat and gasped with her only working hand.

"I've been waiting for this for a long time, Numbuh 274!" Nigel said angrily. "You're going to pay what you owe the KND!"

"For the last time, I'm no longer 274!" Chad shouted. "And I've already paid my dues in _blood_ to your stupid Babies Next Door! No more, Uno! It's time _you_ pay _me_ back! Every! Single! Inch!"

Chip peered with interest over the battle. "Uh-oh, looks like things just got personal, Nick! Two legendary operatives are going head-to-head in this glorious battle!"

"Right you are, Chip! This could be the greatest _Kingdom Wars_ event in the history of this Faire!"

"I'm going to get rid of you, Uno," Chad murmured dangerously. "Then, I'm going to finish the job with your Supreme Leader."

Nigel's eyes narrowed. "You could have killed her the_ first_ time! Instead you wounded her! What's wrong, Chad, still have a soft spot for us?"

"Why end a game designed to humiliate you when the King hasn't had his fun yet?!" Chad sneered and, spinning away, Nigel was nearly impaled by King Steve's great axe. "I've injured the High Queen, your majesty!" Chad grinned when his leader tossed him a spare weapon. "I'll let you play with your food while I deal with Uno."

Steve smiled evilly and advanced on their injured Queen. "Good work, Captain."

"YOU'RE NOT LAYING A HAND ON HER!" Nigel snarled, only to be stopped halfway by the swing of Chad's axe.

Lizzie pumped her fists into the air along with the crowd. "Take him down, Nigie!"

"Yeah," Chad mocked and took an offense stance. "Take me down, _Nigie_. But I'm a merciful man. I'll kill you so you don't have to cry like a baby over your Supreme Leader's _corpse_."

Nigel snarled and jumped at his former mentor, no longer concerned about the game and more inclined to rip Chad's head off.

* * *

With Nigel indisposed, Rachel grabbed her injured arm and backed away from Steve's advance. She glaring up at his slow approach when she had nowhere to run.

"The High Queen is in danger once more!" Chip sounded out loudly. "This time it's royal-on-royal! Will this be the end of the Kids Next Kingdom Over!"

"No idea, Chip, but the crowd's going wild!" Nick had to scream over the roar from the stands.

Before Steve could exact a final blow on their High Queen, Patton barreled through and slammed at him hard with his silver coated shield. "Long Live the Queen, tyrant!" he snarled. Wally and Abby jumped to his side to flank their injured High Queen and protect her on all fronts.

"Noice, Numbuh 60-hey!" Wally pointed at the inside of Patton's shield in accusation. "How many favors you _got_, buddy?!"

With a snort, he turned the shield away from Wally to hide the silver bow decorating one of the arm handles. "Focus on the battle, cadet!" He spun his sword around with a flourish, showing off the blue-green favor around the hilt to defend their position against King Steve. "Numbuh 5! You need to tell Numbuh 362 what's going on!"

Rachel struggled to her feet. "Tell me what?!"

"The cruddy... AHGHHHH!" Wally bellowed when an enemy's plunger arrow hit him in the neck. He crashed forward onto the grass and the ref sounded the whistle.

"Numbuh 4!" Patton yelled, only for him and Abby to be slammed hard through his shield by Steve's great axe. They both crashed and bounced onto the ground, groaning in mild pain.

Abby moaned and tried to sit up. "You guys need to stop! You can't kill each other! It's what they _want_!"

"Like I'm gonna be tricked out of ice cream by a couple of lying brats!" Steve laughed evilly and watched Rachel stumble around for a weapon to defend herself with. "Too bad you're crippled, m'ladyness. It would have been fun taking you down a peg at full strength!"

Rachel panted. "It'll just be even more embarrassing for you to be beaten by one, teenager!"

"Talking smack and you don't even have a weapon! Typical brat!" Steve taunted and slashed down his axe for the killing blow.

With a roar of pain, Patton gave every last bit of strength to jump in between them and grunted when he was 'stabbed' hard on the back.

The referee's whistle sounded. With hardly a parting word, Patton collapsed onto the lap of his commander. Rachel gasped at his sacrifice, uncomprehending. "N-numbuh 60...?"

"No..." Abby trailed off, reaching out to her superiors and then punching the ground with her fist.

With the last of her protectors gone with their sacrifice, Rachel completely snapped. She numbly pulled out the spare great sword from Patton's motionless side and used it to stand back up, her eyes unseeing.

Steve blinked at the strange calmness that fell upon the Queen and wisely took a cautious step back. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have anticipated her throwing the sword around like a bat to overwhelm him in a cold rage.

"Now it's _King Stevenson's_ turn to move on the defensive!" Nick shouted. "High Queen McKenzie's completely invested in getting rid of him at all costs! Did she go into berserk mode?"

Chip shrugged. "No idea, Nick! Someone's going to have to up their game now that most of her court's been rid of! I just had no idea throwing a sword around with the technique of a five-year-old was so effective!"

"She's got the swing of a decent batter that's for sure!" Nick replied grandly. "There any baseball Scouters in the stands?!"

* * *

Cree kicked two brats away from her boyfriend, who quickly tried to swarm him after he was injured by Fanny's arrow. "Game's over, Maurice. We're getting out of here!"

"Why?" Maurice asked incredulously as she helped him up. "The King's got the upper hand now!"

"It's a ruse!" she growled and smacked another kid with a leftover shield. "Do you mind?! I'm talking to my_ boyfriend_ here! Anyways... my stupid little sister found out the game's rigged. The winner's going to be shipped off to a detention facility during school break!"

He blinked. "Even summer break?"

"_All of them_!" she grabbed his wrist and started hauling him off the field. "We're getting out of here!"

Maurice instantly pulled away, giving her a mysterious look that she didn't catch on time. "I'm not going anywhere! We're not seriously bailing on the other dudes, are we?!"

"We seriously_ are_!" she snarled. "This is our chance to leave before they round us all up!"

He glared at her. "You're gonna let your sister get round-up with them if we don't do something!"

"So?"

"So I'm staying!" he snorted and picked up a weapon. "Go and run off. Just expected a little more loyalty from you Cree, but I guess you'll bail on everyone in the end. Even me."

She gaped. "That's not... I wouldn't! I... UGGGHHHHHH!" Clenching her fingers into fists, they both saw Rachel's merciless beat down on Steve before she towered over his shaking form and raised the great sword over her head for the finishing blow.

"STOP NUMBUH 362!" Abby tripped over Wally's 'corpse' trying to run after her. "DON'T KILL HIM!"

Panting and exhausted, both Nigel and Chad continued to clash, ready to finish each other off at all costs, regardless of how the game was played. Nigel gave one last powerful shove, knocking Chad off his feet. He shoved the blade against the traitor's chest, but was unable to finish the job.

Chad had pulled out a plastic shank beneath his armor and pressed it threateningly into Nigel's side. The referee hovered over them, whistle at the ready, for the stalemate to end. "Kill me and you kill yourself!" Chad spat.

"If I have to, I_ will!_" Nigel shouted desperately. "This ends here or it doesn't end at all!"

"This is it!" the jester jumped in his seat and scrambled up the private box to shake the hand of the man who thought of this whole thing in the first place. "It looks like the Kids Next Door will win this! Enjoying the battle so far, Father?"

Father leaned out of the darkness of the box, a bowl of popcorn on his lap. "Indeed I am! You've given me a marvelous time at the Faire! Maybe at the cost of my teen allies, but what do I care?! It's two birds with one stone!" His dark laughter mingled with the high-pitched cackling of his newest costumed villain, delighting the end of the Kids Next Door.

The man beside Father in the box did not laugh, nor join in the revelry of the jester villain that he loaned to Father. He simply sat, completely obscured by darkness, and critically assessed each and every one of the combatants down below. "Which one of them, I wonder," he murmured to himself. "are worthy of my_ attention_?"

**transmission interrupted**


	6. Battleborn in Arcana Major

**transmission re-established**

"Numbuh 362!" Abby cried out and tried to pry the great sword out of her Supreme Leader's hands. "Snap out of it and listen! That's what you're the best at, remember! That's why you're one of the greatest Supreme Leaders in the Kids Next Door! You listen to reason better than anyone, so listen to Numbuh 5! You gotta!"

Rachel blinked and, seemingly letting Abby's words sink in, lowered her sword. "I guess I got carried away," she sighed in exhaustion. "I can't believe I'm missing my desk work up top."

Steve stopped his shaking and glowered up at her. "Just, like, finish the job dude! If you've got the guts!" He howled when Abby kicked him in the side.

"Will you shut up?! This is all a big sham!" she pointed to the stands where the jester stood up in alarm and seethed. "That fool isn't promising ice cream, he's going to send the winner to a detention facility!"

"WHAT?!" Nigel shouted incredulously not too far off.

Cree climbed up the hill and looked to her prone leader. "My stupid baby sister is telling the truth," she grumbled. "If it wasn't true, why would she keep her team from winning?"

Taking those facts aside, Rachel sighed and stepped away from Steve. "You've never steered us wrong before, Numbuh 5. I withdraw my forces."

Chad kicked Nigel off of him and dusted himself off. "Great. I could have been doing better things than rolling in the dirt with brats."

"If it's true, I'm like, withdrawing as well!" Steve scowled and got to his feet. "No one's putting _The Steve_ in lockdown!"

The jester jumped out of the stands. "You can't do that!" he yelled. "You're duty-bound to finish! Where's your honor system?!"

Rachel raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Steve. "Honor?"

"Like, you're expecting _honor_ from us?" Steve asked incredulously. "Dude, we're just kids! We toilet paper your house every Halloween!"

"Well, technically WE'RE the kids," Rachel added amicably which made Steve nod and shrug in agreement. "So kids and _teens_. Only gullible adults use the honor system when they know they're gonna lose!"

"True, true."

"ARGGGGG!" the Fool snarled and squeezed at his jester's hat. "Enough! Do as you're commanded!"

The two leaders glanced at each other and, in a rare display of camaraderie, Steve offered his hand to Rachel. "You're not gonna kill me and there's no way I'm killing you. Truce?"

She accepted his outstretched hand and shook it. "Truce. Temporary of course. Expect my guys rigging your gymnasium with explosive nacho cheese tomorrow."

"Naturally. Pleasure doing business with you."

The jester, in a fit of frustration, spun to the private box. "What should I do now?!"

"READ THE FINE PRINT STUPID!" Father shouted. "THE _FINE_ PRINT!"

"Oh right!" Unfurling the contract, he read it aloud. "All participants must engage in combat until one side wins! You have no choice!"

Nick glanced at his own copy. "He may be right, ladies and gentleman! A truce may not be allowed in the proceedings. Refs?"

The referees were already huddled together as the crowd started pelting food onto the field looking for a winner. Hoagie caught a bowl of popcorn in the process. "HEY! Free food! Sweet! I'm starving!"

Tapping his quill in boredom on the wooden panel, the look his Supreme Leader was giving him urged Chip to reread the contract again. The light-bulb in his head lighting up, he moved the disguised microphone close to his mouth before the referees finished deliberation. "Say... is that _Sir Abigail Lincoln_ on the field?"

"Sure is!" Catching on, Nick peered over the panel. "Along with her older sister, Lady Cree Lincoln."

Chip quirked an eyebrow and said loudly. "They weren't in the roster for the_ Kingdom Wars_, were they Nick?"

One of the referees looked up at the commentator's panel with interest.

As per the speediness of being a commentator, Nick already pulled up a parchment from an unseen hand and read off of it. "No siree! In fact, it looks like Sir Lincoln was struck off the roster prior to the game at the cost of securing KNKO's participation in the tournament. Lady Lincoln had missed the cutoff in signups as well."

"Looks like we've got a couple of unauthorized players on the field, Nick!" Chip winked at the operatives down below. "According to the rules, that's grounds for an immediate disqualification."

"And it looks to be a twofer!" Nick announced happily. "We'll see what the referees have to say about this!"

After another minute of deliberation, the head referee walked onto the middle of the field and raised his hand for silence. "Upon deliberation by the _Kingdom Wars_ committee, a truce is not viable. However, two unauthorized players have engaged in combat under the banners of both guilds. Lady Cree Lincoln had attacked a total of six players belonging to Queen Rachel McKenzie and Sir Abigail Lincoln attacked King Steve Stevenson."

"Therefore, both guilds are disqualified!" The crowd booed while the players cheered.

"Most anti-climatic ending ever!" The Toiletnator whined from his place in the crowd and booed the jester alongside the others.

Mr. Boss stood up and started pelting food at the jester. "You promised us utter annihilation of the Kids Next Door, you clod!"

Rachel shot an exasperated glare at Fanny, who got up and sheepishly dusted herself off. "We _really_ need to talk about your dad someday, Numbuh 86."

Father retreated into the box, preparing his escape lest his Teen Ninjas find out what he did. "Whelp, looks like another day, another attempt to destroy the Kids Next Door!"

"You are leaving?" the gravely voiced man watched him from his side of the box.

"Did you see the giant armies over there?" Father asked incredulously, thumbing the state outside the box. "I ain't staying when they've got weapons like that!"

The older man growled. "As a betting man, you must always honor your word and cash in your wins and losses."

"HELLO?!" he retorted and waved his arms. "ARMIES? WEAPONS?! HEY-hey! What are you doing?!"

Effortlessly, the older gentleman grabbed Father by his silhouette suit and tossed him over the stands until he bounced down the wooden stairs and tumbled onto the field. "OW! Ow, ow, ow, that smarts!"

Covered in food and streamers, the Jester desperately grabbed at the black suit. "What should we do now that our plan's ruined, Father?!"

"_Our_ plans?!" Steve snarled at his boss. "You, like, threw us under the bus dude!"

"I am not a DUDE!" Father exploded. "How many times do I have to remind you to respect your elders?!" He gulped when his teen minions closed in on them with The Steve cracking at his knuckles.

"Not enough, dude!" Steve growled and with a snap of his fingers, his teen comrades armed themselves. "Where's _your_ honor system? Maybe we should _beat_ it into you? What do you think, guys?"

Cree smiled evilly. "No one gets to steal _my_ vacations! Not even Father!" The teens around them grumbled in agreement.

"Oh! This is gonna be good!" Hoagie snickered and started sharing his popcorn with Bartie. "Someone announce THIS fight!"

Nick jumped into action. "Someone say_ announce_?! Because it looks like Father really whizzed on the electric fence with this traitorous doozy!"

"Right you are, Nick!" Chip said excitedly. "Of course, _if_ electric fences existed back in the Renaissance! I don't think any amount of dice rolls can get Father out of this. What do you think, Nick?"

Nigel snorted when Chad flashed one last withering glare at him before joining the fray of angry teens surrounding Father. "I think he should _run_."

"Numbuh 5 agrees with this!" Abby chortled.

With the jester in tow, Father ran down the length of the field with the teens at his heels. KNKO laughed and cheered, raising their weapons up in victory.

Wally sat up with a groan and rubbed at his neck. "Stupid teens..." he jumped when Kuki ran over and hugged him. "K-kuki?!"

"You wore my lady's favor, Wally!" she squealed happily. "I told you it would work!"

"HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?! HOW IS _EVERYONE_ STILL ALIVE?!" he looked up and sniffed to the sky. "Was it... a _wizard_ who did it?"

Patton smacked his forehead multiple times with his own shield.

Rachel grinned at Abby as the teens chased Father out of the Faire. "Thanks for talking me down, Numbuh 5."

"Aw shucks, Numbuh 362, I was only doing my job," she said sheepishly and gave her a thumbs up. "You'd have done the same thing."

She nodded. "I would. Potential Supreme Leaders would, technically." The peculiar smile she was giving Abby made her shift uncomfortably.

"Maybe." Abby cleared her throat and walked off to meet Hoagie's wave halfway.

"Most definitely." Rachel promised her quietly and then offered her hand for Nigel to shake when he approached for a job well done. "Couldn't have fought this long without the great Numbuh 1!" she teased and then jumped when he bent down to kiss her hand instead.

"It was an honor," he said smoothly. "Thanks for trusting in my team."

She covered her blush with a stupid grin. "Well, thanks for giving me a reason for trusting you guys."

"NIIIIGEL UNNNNNOOOOOOO!"

They both jumped away from each other. Chuckling nervously at the murderous expression on Lizzie's face, Rachel slowly slunk away for her guards and left Nigel for the slaughter.

"L-lizzie!" he gave her a strained smile. "D-did you enjoy the battle? I still have y-your lady's favor you know..."

"YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF NERVE KISSING ANOTHER GIRL'S HAND, UNO!" Lizzie shouted and started pulling Nigel by the ear and dragged him off the field while the rest of Sector V laughed at their leader's whines of pain.

Ordering the field cleared of her operatives, Rachel knew she wouldn't have time to enjoy the rest of the Faire and had the unfortunate role of explaining to their ice cream accountants that they would be unable to meet that quota.

She retreated into their guild tent, allowing Fanny and Patton to guard her outside and blinked to find Chad emerging from the back.

"You could have been a little more nicer," Chad gave her a dark smile. "You've got a knack of kicking a man down with that mouth of yours."

Rachel bit her bottom lip and gave him her best apologetic smile. "You're complaining to me about being _cruel_? If I didn't know any better, I'd have believed you really wanted to take down Numbuh 1."

He didn't respond to that and instead offered her a card. "Found this raiding the private box Father was in. Maurice was positive there was someone else in there."

It was a tarot card with a very flattering likeness of her in the style of Alphonse Mucha. "_The Empress_," she read and then looked up at Chad in question. "I don't understand."

"Really? It's not hard to connect the dots," he snorted. "That's not the only card we found. There were others. Same style, and drawn with certain operatives and teens alike." From the pocket of his armor, he showed her his card and she tried not to snicker. He was labeled _The Devil_.

She tapped her card against her bottom lip in deep thought. "A new villain?"

"I'm thinking more like calling cards," Chad replied, leveling her a peculiar look. "Check out the handwriting."

She wish she hadn't. "Oh," Rachel sighed and re-examined the card's typography. "And here I was scolding Fanny about her _dad_. You don't have to worry about this one, Chad."

"I know," he parted with that stupid playful grin. "I've met your grandpa before, didn't I, Cardmaster's granddaughter?"

"Pot calling kettle black, Chad. I've met your parents too." Rachel fixed him a look when he retreated into the shadows and tapped the card against her palm. She fished out her communicator. "This isn't your way of telling me I need to call you more often, is it?"

_'You did very well in the Kingdom Wars, Rachie. Very proud of you. Please extend the gifts your grandmother made for your soldiers.'_

Rachel bit her lip again. "I don't like family things interfering with my job, grandpa. We've got enough to deal with with Fanny's dad and Nigel's uncle."

"Don't forget Numbuh 4's uncle," Chad added unhelpfully, though really, the Toiletnator was hardly a threat.

_'Is that Mr. Dickson?' _Rachel sighed in annoyance. Chad's smile couldn't get any more smug._ 'Give him my regards. Just wanted to give you a bit of fun. Keep up the good work, sweetie.' _

"Fun._ Yeah right._ Bye grandpa," she sighed again and closed her communicator with a sheepish pout.

Chad continued to lurk in the shadows, grinning from ear-to-ear. "I suppose great operatives are born from the most dangerous of villains."

**end transmission**


End file.
